So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
