You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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