remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize