I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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