We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
