it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
His nipple licking is glorious
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