You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
