I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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