Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
