Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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