honey bunches of taint.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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