i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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