Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
