her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize