Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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