someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nutella sex= disaster
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
