I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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