I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
