I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
