How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
