textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
