im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
