he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
