if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize