so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize