tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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