i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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