she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We had sex on a dog bed..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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