Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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