i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
