This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
