***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
