i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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