Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
