apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize