What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
