$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
