it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
