i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
