I wish I could punch you in the face.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
is it fun? or sober?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
