he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
