Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
