I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
soo... how was my night?
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