I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
