I'm so fucking centered right now
He kissed a someone with a penis
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
