so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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