Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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