i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize