I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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