Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize