I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize