Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
