Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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