Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
