Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
