After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
