If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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