yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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