Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
