do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
