There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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