i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
